I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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