i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
We talked him into tasing himself.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Randomize