I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
