I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Randomize
