I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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