it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Randomize
