I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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