can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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