i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
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