My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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