That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
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