my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Randomize
