Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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