This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
