Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
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