I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Randomize
