I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Randomize
