What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
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