if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
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