i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
