Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
