Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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