How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Randomize
