Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
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