Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
