i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
