every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Randomize
