When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
