I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Randomize
