I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
It was confusing and full of hummus
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
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