The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
