you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
I should be sponsored by Trojan
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
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