He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
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