I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
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Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
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But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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