He uses pillows to masturbate.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
No I am not eating basil off your cock
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize
