i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
i need some magic done to my vagina
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
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