you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
