dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
Randomize
