dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
I just found a bag of teeth...
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Randomize
