Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
