He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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