I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
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