And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
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