Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
