my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
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I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
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