so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
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