New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Randomize
