dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
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How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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