I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
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