I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
Randomize
