i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
I don't think brook has ever known best
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
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