Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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