can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
