she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
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I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
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Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
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