Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Randomize
