My Higher Power is John Stamos
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Your penis caused this!
there is puke in my bra ... again
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