Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
vagina is talking i cant
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Randomize
