so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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