I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
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