party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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