No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
