Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
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Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
I have peed in a lot of sinks
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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