Yo dont text me then not text me
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
