you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
Dating After Heartbreak
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
These Images Prove Chrissy Teigen is the Funniest Model Alive
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.