Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
