He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
He better not be in your backpack
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Randomize
