you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
