No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
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